There are SO many reasons why I wanted to lose weight!
I turned 50 last year and wanted to get healthy. Some of my peers, who are older than me, are now facing health challenges and expressing regret at not prioritising their wellbeing earlier. And it’s served as a good reminder to me of the importance of not taking my health for granted.
As a public speaker, I’m often in the spotlight. While I could compartmentalise being the biggest person in the room, it affected my confidence and how I felt when standing on stage or at the front of a room of senior clients.
I wanted my appearance to match the professional/corporate expectations of what a communications consultant and executive coach should look like.
I got tired of not being able to wear the clothes I liked, and only being able to wear clothes that fitted instead. I embraced wearing black, thinking that it hid so much, but I just didn’t feel like myself.
I sustained a back injury (slipped disc) from running years ago, and constantly had a sore back. Carrying the extra weight wasn’t helping and put more strain on my back, which stopped me doing things with my son when he was younger (he’s 19 now).
I am perimenopausal, noticed a change in my moods, and was feeling tired all the time. Also, many of my friends who had gone through the menopause talked about how much weight they put on during that time. So, I really wanted to set myself up for success and get through the menopause by focusing on what I could control, i.e. my weight.
What did I try before I started the LighterLife programme?
Actually, I did LighterLife once before when I was 39 and lost 25 kg (4 stone). But then I thought I was done and didn’t go on to do the Management programme, so I ended up putting the weight back on. This time around I really want to set myself up for success and move onto Management once I’m at my goal weight.
All my life I’ve oscillated between undereating, binging, and then going on yet another diet. I counted calories throughout my 20s and for much of my 30s. My mum put me on a diet when I was a child, and I have a gene that means my body doesn’t tell me when I am full, which doesn’t help
I tried exercising (sometimes over-exercising) but found the weight loss was too slow, I’d get disheartened, and I’d eat to soothe my feelings. It became a vicious cycle
I tried eating healthily and having a balanced diet, but then I didn’t manage my portion sizes
I entered a bad period of depression and that’s where I really put on a lot of weight. In a way, I hid away from the world and used food and carrying weight to ‘hide.’
Why did I choose LighterLife (again)?
The first time around it was because a friend recommended them to me and it was mostly about looking better for my 40th. This time around it’s been about really focusing on the mindset component and not using food as an emotional crutch.
My academic background is psychology and while I already knew about CBT and mindfulness (and train others in it as part of my work), it’s harder to apply to yourself and be your own coach.
Having Tracey as my Mentor has been a game changer. She helped coach me through the mindset to stick to the plan. I found it harder the second time around as this time I had to recognise my weight wasn’t just about eating too much, it was about how I was using food as a comfort (or discomfort, as it didn’t make me feel any better).
What stood out for me about LighterLife and kept me going?
Two things really stood out for me on the programme:
- the ease and variety of the Foodpacks, and knowing that 100% of your daily nutrients are taken care of. The packs are so easy to transport (I travel for work and am often on the road) and being able to have a Shake or Bar for lunch is so convenient
- the coaching and mentoring – for me, it’s been invaluable to have the 1-2-1 coaching with Tracey in addition to the Group work. I also had a very clear goal – I wanted to change and was not happy staying as I was.
At my heaviest I weighed 115 kg (18 stone) and, after losing 42 kg (6 ½ stone) in 2 separate journeys, as of December 2024 I weighed 72.1kg (11.3 stone) – my goal is to reach 66 kg (10.3 stone) and then start the Management plan.
First time around my first week on TotalFast was fine. Not so the second time, it was hard and I did struggle. I’d last a few days, get hungry, and then turn to food. There were some headaches as well. Once over that though and into ketosis, and with Tracey’s help, I’ve been able to stick to the plan 100%.
Mentoring, Mindfulness, and Support
Tracey is very good at spotting my blind spots, behaviours, and beliefs about food. She’s helped me start working on self-care and self-love in addition to creating coping strategies around food.
I’d developed some very unhealthy and self-destructive behaviours – I’d get the Dopamine hit and feel like I was having a ‘treat,’ then feel bad to have overeaten, and then self-soothe with more food. It became a vicious cycle.
The CBT tools and Mindfulness activities are very helpful. Even though I was aware of them prior to LighterLife, I wasn’t actually applying them. Now I’ve embraced journalling, drinking LOTS of water, noticing my self-talk and exploring where these behaviours have come from, and managing my emotional state without turning to poor food choices.
The 1-2-1 coaching each week was the real game changer for me – being able to focus 100% on what was happening that week, what my thinking was around food, and having Tracey coach me was invaluable.
Even now as I head onto the Management plan, I’m still having conversations with her and getting her support. In some ways I feel the hard work starts now, with learning how to eat conventional food again.
The Group work has also been great as you see you’re not the only one who struggles with these things. I used to beat myself up about how I was weak or just needed to exercise more and eat less, but that wasn’t enough.
I firmly believe we all need support in avoiding ultra processed foods (UPF) and learning more about nutrition. The biggest lightbulbs for me are during the weekly CBT Mindfulness sessions when we’re learning to manage our mindsets. Too often, I feel, we eat for comfort rather than because we’re actually hungry.
Outside of the weekly Group meetings, I’m part of the LighterLife TotalFast Client Community Facebook group, and LOVE Natalie’s Facebook Lives. I’ll often put them on in the morning while I’m getting ready for work. For me, it’s a great way to reinforce what I’ve learned, and to keep my mind in the right place.
I’m a big reader and with Tracey’s help have read a lot of books on food and addiction which have also been helpful
Most of my friends have been supportive, even though it took them a while to adjust to spending time with me when I wasn’t eating. Such as going to restaurants where I’d have a peppermint tea, water, and a Bar.
My son has been great, he knows I’m on the LighterLife programme and not to cook for me or buy me food. I think he’s enjoyed seeing me become happier and more confident. And I also have SO much more energy now – we go rollerblading together and he sees me exercising with my personal trainer.
What can I do now I’ve lost weight?
I got divorced when my son was very young and I’ve been single for a long time now. After losing weight, I feel more confident about meeting people although I’m yet to take the plunge and start dating.
My job is easier to do now I’m carrying less weight when I’m on my feet presenting. Travelling for work is more comfortable too. I fly a lot and often long haul, e.g. to the US, and now the seat belts are comfortable, I don’t get a sore back sitting on the plane, and I find it so much easier to recover from jetlag.
The difference at work is massive though, as being a public speaker I believe people expect you to look a certain way. You don’t see many morbidly obese consultants giving advice on mindset and communication.
Maybe that’s more about my self-perception, but I feel more confident meeting clients and being on stage when wearing something I like and being a healthy weight. It’s one less distraction, both for me and the audience. Not to mention it helps your credibility.
I love being a parent and used to worry about being an embarrassment to my son, even though I don’t think he felt like that. Now I like knowing that I’m healthy, I can bring my personality to parenting, and engage in activities we both enjoy.
I am proud to have come so far and been able to show him I have the resilience and perseverance to face what felt like an insurmountable amount of weight to lose.
I used to be very active and loved swimming, dancing, tennis, and fencing, and I’ve been able to start doing these things again (although I’ve yet to find a new fencing club).
On a recent trip to the US I went out Latin dancing until 3am and my back did not hurt one bit! I love rediscovering activities that bring me joy and reminding myself there’s more to life than just work and obsessing over weight and food.
My perimenopausal symptoms are also much better – the night sweats are gone, the depression is gone, I have more energy, and the brain fog is gone.
My slipped disc is SO much better too. Not carrying the extra weight around means I no longer wake up every morning in pain. And my back doesn’t hurt, even after a 45 minute PT session. I am so much more flexible and feel much stronger
I definitely stopped myself from doing a lot when I carried the extra weight. Such as Segways (they have a weight limit), Flying Foxes (zip wires), or going canoeing with my son because I’d have to wear a much larger coloured lifejacket than everyone else. There were so many things I couldn’t do or was too embarrassed to do.
I just have a lot more energy, can think more clearly, and am no longer in daily pain
Shopping has never been my favourite activity, but now it’s so easy. I can see something I love, know they’ll have my size, and it usually feels good when I put it on. I’ve had to completely change my wardrobe as I’m now a size 8 – 10 (5ft 7.5), whereas I was struggling to fit into size 18 – 20 previously.
I’ve rediscovered my love of jackets and even my shoes are easier to fit into – high heels no longer hurt my back. I feel like my clothes reflect my personality now rather than just being things I could fit into.
I’ve always been a confident person due to the nature of my job and coming from Australia (we are a pretty direct lot!), but now I feel confident being myself and not self-conscious.
I’ve still got work to do in this area, but I feel like I ‘fit in’ more now, that I’m not the ‘fat’ person in the room. Someone once said to me, “I don’t think I’d like you as much if you were thin.” But now I realise that was nothing to do with me.
Prior to losing weight I’d turn down any sort of social interaction as I was embarrassed, but now I surround myself with people who enjoy life. I’m more myself, and I say yes to socialising and meeting new people.
What have I learned?
To be kind to myself. I used to think of myself as an ‘all or nothing’ person in many areas, including my eating. Now I recognise that no-one is perfect and it’s not about abstaining completely but keeping things in moderation.
I’ve also learned a lot more about my emotional eating – in the past I’ve used food for comfort, when stressed, when tired, when bored… the emotional eating list goes on. It became a habit.
Now, I know I can rewire my brain to not immediately think about eating when feeling upset or any other emotion. We can’t just stop eating, unlike some other addictions, so for me it’s also been about recognising that food isn’t my enemy. And I’m looking forward to Management, enjoying my food, and using it to sustain me and help me be healthy.
We can’t control whether or not we might get ill as we age, but I am 100% focused on what I can control. And with the help of my Mentor and LighterLife, I can control my nutrition and eat healthily.
What I’d say to anyone thinking about starting LighterLife
My first tip would be, know WHY you want to lose weight, to set yourself a very clear goal not just for the weight you want to be, but what being that weight will give you.
I think a lot of people when they first hear about LighterLife worry about the low calories and abstaining from conventional food. Yes, initially it’s an adjustment, but once you’re in ketosis you feel amazing. You get such clarity of thought and never feel hungry, it’s liberating.
As we know though, it’s not just about following the diet plan. It’s about committing to yourself and committing to participate in the Group sessions and 1-2-1 coaching (if your Mentor offers that). The more you are open to learning about CBT and Mindfulness, the better set up for success you’ll be.
One of the things Tracey kept helping me with was my focus. Even when I was losing weight (because you can lose a stone a month), I still kept focusing on how much more I had to lose. And I wasn’t helping myself at all by thinking this way. Instead, she helped me to just focus on one pack and one day at a time – and before you know it, you’re well on your way to your weight loss goal.
The other thing that was so helpful was that as you start dropping clothes sizes and seeing the results, it makes it easier to stay committed. You start feeling better long before you reach your goal weight.
So, my top tip is to enjoy your weight loss journey, and the learning and self-discovery along the way.
