I had lost hope… now there’s so much I’m looking forward to
While I’ve always been big, at 57, my ability to function while carrying over eight stone in excess weight had diminished alarmingly. I had very little energy, would easily get out of breath and pain was a constant companion, particularly in my knees. Even lying in bed at night, my knees would be sore, and I was limited to only one pain-free sleep position. I estimated that I probably had no more than three years left before I’d be walking with a stick or possibly even at all.
I was very down. I’d resigned myself to this life and had lost all hope for the future.
My life-long dysfunctional relationship with food
I’ve had what I describe as a dysfunctional relationship with food for as long as I can remember. My earliest memories are of secret eating, while fear of missing out has been a driver since early childhood. As a consequence, I’ve been unhappy with my weight since at least secondary school. It’s never been far from my thoughts, and I’ve tried to do something about it more times than I can remember.
While I’ve dabbled with a few of the more well-known eating plans, I’ve never really been one for faddy diets and diet classes. Instead, I’d try to lose weight by cutting out bad habits and trying to put more structure into my eating. But I’ve never put any real effort into learning why I was overeating – until now.
Snacking was my downfall
Portion control at mealtimes has always been an issue for me, but snacking was always my main downfall. Cakes, biscuits and chocolate were my go-to foods between meals and I’d often eat as many Calories after my evening meal as I had during the rest of the day.
The problem with “dieting” like this is that it’s not really a diet at all, so it takes a long time to see results – something that’s all the more bothersome when you have a significant amount of weight to lose. And it makes you focus on what you’re denying yourself, rather than what you’re gaining.
With LighterLife, there’s no ambiguity
I first did LighterLife about 17 years ago. It suited me well and I lost 5½ stone. I’ve always been a very black-and-white person. I can do “yes” and “no”, but I’ve not been very good at moderation. With LighterLife, almost all of the decisions about what to eat are made for you – there is no ambiguity about whether you are on the TotalFast plan or not. This removes the risk of bargaining and similar behaviours.
The plan isn’t entirely prescriptive, though. It does allow for flexibility in terms of which Foodpacks you choose to eat, and whether you want to include LighterLife meal replacements or snacks in your routine. And there’s a good range, so there’ll always be something you like.
Valuing my group – a vital part of my journey
When I first did LighterLife, none of the guys in my group gave the CBT work a chance. While I did lose a lot of weight, I didn’t take Management seriously and left the programme too early. While I initially continued to eat more healthily, over the years I reintroduced my bad habits and eventually regained all of the weight I’d lost. And more.
This time, although I started out without much faith in the group sessions or CBT due to my previous experience, I have come to value them enormously. I now see that the groups are a vital part of the programme. I don’t think I’d still be doing LighterLife or be so positive about it were it not for my group.
And I don’t honestly think I would have achieved the results I have without them.
Opening up
My group and my Mentor, Debbie, have been amazing and I can’t thank them enough. Two group members in particular were very open from the start. While I was a little closed off at first, their sharing gave me the opportunity to reflect on my own journey and, over time, I was able to open up far more. Debbie’s WhatsApp chat room has also been really useful. It provides friendship and support, and keeps us connected as a group between meetings.
As the weeks progressed, I found the group sessions increasingly valuable and, as I established bonds with my groupmates, I looked forward to my weekly meetings more and more. As a consequence, I’ve stayed committed to the programme for far longer than I did first time around – and I’ve lost more weight. The group has helped me stay incredibly focused on my goals and given me hope for the future again.
I lost 20lb in my first two weeks
When I originally did LighterLife, I found the first two days very hard – I pretty much spent them in bed, crying. This time, I had no issues with “carb flu” and just got on with it from day one. This is probably because, having done it before, I was confident I’d lose weight, which put me in a better frame of mind. It’s all about trusting the process – because it does work, if you let it!
My goal from the get-go was to become lean, not just less fat. I lost about 20lb in the first two weeks and already had more energy, less pain and more hope for the future. Since then, things have just got better and better.
On 600 kcal a day, you can’t not lose weight
The thing I like about LighterLife is that, if you stick to the programme and don’t cheat, you will lose weight. At a little over 600 kcal a day, you can’t not lose weight. This takes away all the fear and anxiety of dieting, which is so important for people who have failed over and over again.
Once you’ve identified your go-to Foodpacks, it’s easy. Just stick to the TotalFast plan and the weight loss will come. This allows you the time and bandwidth to focus on yourself, reflect on your journey and your triggers, break those bad habits and plan for your future.
My Foodpack routine
My day-to-day favourites were the Chocolate Shake, Vegetable Soup, Spicy Sweet Potato and Carrot Soup, Shepherd’s Pie and the Nut Fudge and Toffee bars. If I had to choose just one, though, it would be the Chocolate Shake.
Sometimes, I’d find myself over-focusing on what Foodpacks I’d have and when, and start mixing in the meal-replacement Foodpacks and LighterLife snacks. While I’d still be on plan, it always felt to me like old behaviour. At times like those, I’d strip everything back to basics and just have Chocolate Shakes for a few days in a very regular routine, eating at 7am, 11am, 3pm and 7pm. That always helped me get my head back on straight.
For a while, I was eating the Thai Noodle FastPots regularly, combining them with a Garlic Flatbread as my evening meal. I tried both methods of preparing the flatbreads and preferred to microwave them, producing a tasty savoury dumpling which I’d break up with a fork and dip in my FastPot. Other than that, I’ve not put a lot of thought into my Foodpacks – I prefer to see them purely as a source of nutrition rather than food.
Sharing my journey
On day one, I decided to announce the start of my journey on Facebook, posting my “before” photos and my start weight. My thinking was that by including my friends, I was holding myself to account and giving myself extra motivation to succeed. It was a great decision, and everyone has been super-supportive.
Every four weeks, I’d post new photographs and reveal how much I’d lost. I also used those posts as a journal to talk about my deeper understanding of my eating and the positive impacts of losing weight, and to share my hopes for the future.
Being happier and healthier is its own reward
I love being slim! Having quit LighterLife too early the first time around, I was determined this time to not just lose weight, but to lose all of it. And I have.
Eighteen weeks in, we had a group discussion about our hopes and fears for the future and the thoughts and feelings we’d be relying on to help us when we started Management. I said that I’d enjoyed those 18 weeks more than I had enjoyed any cake, biscuit or chocolate.
That revelation showed me that living a lighter life is its own reward. Rather than denying myself those “treats” that used to be such an important part of my life, I’ve freed myself from them. Losing weight and living a happier and healthier life is a reward that lasts forever, not just until the last mouthful.
Life before LighterLife
Before starting my journey, I was in constant pain. My knees were shot and my hips were following close behind them. When I went to bed, I had to lie on my right side with my legs arranged just so, as this was the only way I could stay free of the pain. Rolling over was an effort. My wife would lie awake at night listening for when I stopped breathing so she could wake me up and force me back onto my side again.
Anything more than a short walk would break me. When I got into my car, I had to lift my right leg into the footwell with my hands as my knee was too sore to do it any other way. I couldn’t fit into airline seats without an extension belt, and roller-coasters were always a lottery – would I be too large for the safety harnesses?
Since losing the weight, the pain has largely disappeared. Some of the damage that I’ve done to myself can’t easily be undone – I’ll never be a long-distance runner! But these days I don’t avoid stairs, I can go on longer walks, help more around the house and garden. All manner of new possibilities have opened up to me – I’m even considering taking up kendo and climbing.
It’s easier to cut my toenails now. I enjoy baths, whereas I used to always have showers. I take up less space! The person behind me in the car now has more legroom, I’m more comfortable on public transport and people no longer look on with dread when they realise they have to sit next to me. And no more man-spreading – these days, I can sit with my legs neatly crossed. My family all joke that I’ve turned our three-seater sofa into a four-seater!
Hope for the future
But more than anything, I have so much hope for the future. I’ve taken up old interests again and am pursuing them with renewed vigour. I’m a licensed amateur radio operator and I’ve got back into it, studying for a more advanced licence and putting together a portable kit so I can operate from hilltops. Now that’s something I’d never have considered before.
One of the most painful parts of being overweight wasn’t just the physical discomfort – it was the emotional toll. I’ve missed out on so much of my children’s lives because I couldn’t fully take part, and they’ve missed out too, which I deeply regret. They’ve always loved me, but they’ve also shared how they wished I’d been more active and involved when they were younger. That’s a hard truth to hear, but it motivates me to keep going – so I can be more present for them now and in the future.
From XXL to small
While I wouldn’t say I love clothes shopping yet, I certainly enjoy it more. I have many years of trauma associated with it and it’ll take time to rebuild my confidence. But I’m getting there, and broadening the range of shops where I feel comfortable. All of my clothes shopping used to be done online or at specialist shops – now I can buy clothes on the high street and look good in them, too.
I used to be XXL in T-shirts and jumpers, with a 48-in waist. I’m currently a medium and have a 36-in waist. I don’t know how much further I have to go, but small and a 34-in waist are certainly within the realms of possibility. The biggest change is that I used to live my life in shorts, 365 days of the year. I simply felt more comfortable in them, physically and emotionally. I don’t think I even owned trousers back then. I never connected this to my weight before, but since I now spend my life in jeans, there clearly was a link.
Life is full of opportunity
While I’m very scales-oriented and track my weight religiously, it’s the other benefits that keep me motivated. I was not in a good place before starting this journey. My mood was very low. I’d lost hope. I had given up on my future.
Now, my life is full of opportunity and there’s so much I’m looking forward to. With my youngest off to university soon, the focus of my life will be more on me and my wife. We go out more these days and we’re looking forward to travelling more – (Lighter) life is good!
Food doesn’t seem that important any more
For me, the TotalFast stage of the journey has been about weight loss and freeing myself of old habits. Now I’m in Management, I’m actively shifting my mindset towards building new, healthy eating and living habits.
I’ve learned how much more life has to offer than where the next snack is coming from. A lot of my eating was fuelled by fear of missing out. I’d always have at least two courses when we went out for a meal, and often three. I couldn’t go to a coffee shop and just have a coffee – I’d always have to get a cake or a sandwich. Now I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.
I enjoy life now more than I ever enjoyed cake. Food just doesn’t seem that important any more.
Ketosis is a fat-burning powerhouse
LighterLife works! So if you’re thinking about it, do it now. You have nothing to lose but the weight, and everything to gain. But stay on plan. LighterLife TotalFast puts your body into ketosis – a fat-burning powerhouse. If you cheat, you’ll knock yourself out of ketosis and lose a couple of days of progress while you get yourself back in it. This can enormously extend the time it takes you to lose weight, and by holding on to those old behaviours, you’re far less likely to succeed in the long term.
When you stay on track and in ketosis, you’ll rarely, if ever, feel hungry, because your body isn’t expecting to get energy from the food you eat, but from your fat stores. If it needs more energy, it’ll just burn more fat rather than tell you to eat more food. And if you think you’re hungry, chances are, you’re actually just thirsty – so have a glass of water, wait five minutes and see how you feel. Still feeling hungry? Probably not.
But the most powerful part of this journey isn’t just the food plan. It’s the people and the process.
My biggest tip? Embrace your group, the CBT – and be open
Everyone in your group has been using food to deal with trauma. They may or may not yet realise or understand this. But it’s there. The more you share, the more open you are to the insights that sharing can help reveal, the more you’ll understand. And the better your chance of freeing yourself to enjoy your life.
