Relationship & Sex Guide
Read some Sex Tips from
Tracey Cox, Sex Expert.
LighterLife has produced a sex and
relationship online guide for those who have experienced changes to
their situation resulting from weight loss or weight gain.
This guide has been prepared by Mandy Cassidy,
LighterLife’s Programme Specialist, who holds a masters degree in
psychotherapy.
When I am losing weight, and I become more attractive
to other people, how do I stop my partner becoming
jealous?
- Pay them lots of attention.
- Ask to spend more time with them, suggest
things you could do together.
- Ask them what they like you wearing…go
shopping together…dress for them……. (don’t forget yourself).
- Hold hands together.
- Listen to their worries, they could be very
frightened of losing you.
I am not used to feeling sexy - how do I build my
confidence?
- Buy well fitting sexy underwear and enjoy
wearing them.
- Buy clothes in soft sexy material and enjoy
the feel next to your body. Cashmere, silk, leather…….
- Watch your favorite sexy/romantic movies and
allow yourself to enjoy them fully.
- Treat yourself to great lighting in the
bedroom and lounge.
- Bathe in candlelight. In the bath or shower
become aware of the touch of your body. Get to know what is
pleasurable for you.
- Buy yourself some sex toys and enjoying
playing with them.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, practice
walking, turning, being sexy, have fun. Dress up for yourself;
admire your breasts/chest, your legs, your neck etc.
- Get a good friend to take sexy photos of you.
Be a model for a few hours. Print these out and put them up
somewhere special.
- Walk down the High Street and take notice of
any looks you get! Hold your head up high.
- Send affirmations to yourself three times a
day; ‘I am sexy and desirable’.
- Go dancing.
Our love life has gone cold – how do I turn the
temperature up?
Start at the beginning.
- Make yourself feel special. Make your
partner feel special.
- Go on dates together, put it in your
diaries. Enjoy a romantic film together, dress upand set the table
with candles and flowers.
- Surprise your partner, buy flowers, a new
perfume or aftershave, and send them a romantic card. Get a new
haircut or buy something special to wear.
- Buy yourself (and your partner) sexy
nightwear.
- Exercise, feel healthy, energetic and
look better.
- Walk together in the cold; get that glow
in your skin back.
- Try something new together-break old
habits.
- Meet after work for a drink…try one glass
of champagne or fizzy water in a champagne flute!
Now - don’t rush to bed - take your time to
get to know yourself and your partner.
- Take turns to do something nice for each
other (not sexual).
- Tell your partner what you want them to
do…don’t be shy…start with the little things like stroking your
neck or the backs of your knees. Ask your partner what they like,
give them a treat. Give them a massage, comb their hair, rub their
feet. If you feel too shy to ask directly write down what you
would like on separate pieces of paper and put them in a bowl. Ask
your partner to pick one. You could work through all the
suggestions over the coming week / weeks. You could even add
to the bowl as you get more daring.
- Agree when you will do this
together…...and for how long. Set it up with music, candles and
turn the mobiles off. Agree you will not have sex at this time…no
matter how much you might want to!
- Progress to sexual touchingon the
following date, but still no full sex, hold back. This can allow
both of you to relax and enjoy each other with no pressure to
perform.
- Tell your partner what you particularly
like. What you would like more of, how softer, longer etc. Begin to
talk together. Use a code; 1 – 10 with 10 being
ecstasy.
- Read a sex manual together and talk about
what turns you on…but don’t do it at this time…resist the
pleasure.
- Do not aim for orgasm, in fact this is
not allowed yet!
And so to bed…..
- Do not rush…set it up like a date…….soft
music, flowers….what ever turns you both on. Take your
time……..agree no sex for 45 minutes (or however long works for you
both).
- Do not drink too much or eat a heavy rich
meal.
- Choose a time when you are not going to
be disturbed and are not exhausted.
- Get a babysitter if need be.
- It can be daytime you know?
I haven’t flirted for years – how do I do
it?
- Listen to the other person, this is the
sexiest thing you can do. Be interested in them; stop trying to
impress them with you.
- Make eye contact, smile.
- Match their body language.
- Be subtle.
- Watch the experts in films, on the TV,
singers.
- Join a dance class.
Once my confidence is greater, how do I go about
finding a new partner?
- Go out; forget about the night at home.
- Accept every offer to socialize, be out and
about and join in.
- Ask your friends to introduce you to single
people.
- Join an Internet dating website, they really
do work!
- Meet up with people for coffee, a drink or
lunch.
- Take up a new hobby that involves other
people.
- Let go of the image of the person you think
will suit you…… be open to surprises.
How can I learn to like my body?
- By using it. Use it to move, to dance,
to sing, to play, to wiggle, to sway, to run, to jump, to
swim……
- Treat it with respect and care; feed it well,
rest it well, exercises its well, talk to it kindly……… thank it for
putting up with you!
- Admire it, take time to appreciate it, look
at it kindly, dress it carefully, pamper it…..
- Write a letter to it, thanking it for all the
wonderful things it has done to you E.g. having babies, giving you
energy, giving you pleasure, putting up with your unkind words,
being healthy, being sexy……
- Accept it for what it is and let go of what
it isn’t.
- It’s the only one you’ve got so enjoy
it.
How can I spice up my sex life?
- Do it somewhere new.
- Do it at a different time.
- Do it in different positions.
- Do it on a different day
- Do it alone.
- Do it to your partner, let your partner do it
to you.
- Do it with sex toys.
- Do it with a movie.
- Do it the way you’ve always wanted but never
dared ask.
- Do the way your partner wants but never dared
ask.
- Do it slowly / fast, change the rhythm.
- Do it on the phone.
- Do it according to the manual (your new sex
manual)
- Do it quietly / noisily.
- Do it as your favorite hero or heroine.
- Do it for fun!
- Do it today.